I know it's been something like 50 years but...

THERE IS THIS DRAGON WHO APPARENTLY DOESN'T KNOW HOW GREAT I AM.

BRB

Blog Shutting Down.

After some unfortunate events Hygelac has fallen in battle and I have been named king. If I do not update this blog for some time it because

I AM A BEE WOLF WHO IS AS STRONG AS SIXTY DUDES AND NOW I AM KING OF THE GEATS.

(You jealous Unferth?)

Be excellent to each other.

-B

The Party Doesn't Stop.

The party seems to follow me wherever I go. Have I mentioned how awesome it is to be me?

It's great. Really.

After trading some stories with Hygelac in his awesome hall, I begin to learn some more boring stuff about some clan politics.

Once I tell Hygelac about all the rad stuff I accomplished in Daneland I get even more treasure and land and all that good stuff. I feel like no matter what I do it's impressive.

It's like my whole life is this song:

My minstrels play it all the time. I'm quite fond of it.

GEATLAND

Despite the urgings of Hrothgar among many of my other favorite Danes, I and my remaining Geatish bros decided it was time to return to the hall of our king Hygelac.

It was real awesome Daneland, I will tell many tales of the feasts and mead. May you be forever in my boasts.

Thanks for everything, but I must return to Geatland.

Posted via Ye Olde iPhone

OH MAN IF YOU THOUGHT THE PARTIES AFTER I SLAYED GRENDEL WERE EPIC...

• Songs about how great I am.
• Endless treasure showers
• Contrasts to some jerk-wad named Heremod
• Long speeches about how I am great.
• People thinking I am awesome
• People throwing huge parties and feasting because of how great I am

It's as if these Danes never knew a guy WHO WAS A BEE WOLF WHO WAS AS STRONG AS SIXTY DUDES.

A Date With Lady Angelina

I swim, like a boss, down to Angelina's place. It takes a whole day, but what are you going to do right?

Then I'm all -

"AY GIRL, DID YOU KNOW I'M AS STRONG AS SIXTY DUDES?!"

Unimpressed by my small talk - we begin an epic undersea battle complete with hordes and piles of writhing nasty sea monsters trying to get a piece of old Wulfie here.

Things get crazy and I try to wound Angie with Hrunting. WRONG. Hrunting is pretty much just a regular sword as it turns out. Stupid Unferth, he really does not know anything.

For whatever reason Angelina keeps this huge sword, possibly the only weapon that could ever harm her, right there in her place. How convenient is that?

I bag her head, and Grendel's head (because why not?) and I begin to make my way out.

Hrothgar is gonna be so jazzed.

Posted from Ye Olde iPhone

A Hrunting I Will Go

We think we found out where Angelina took Aeschere. It almost goes without saying that Aeschere was not doing well. In fact you could say that his head was roughly separated from the rest of his body.

Pictured: A Tame Thursday afternoon in Geatland

Unferth and I made up today. It turns out he is an all right guy. He was all you should probably take this if you are going to go that that lake yadda yadda (seriously what is going on with that lake? Did these people forget what I do on Thursdays?).

Long story short -

Items Recieved:
Hrunting

Items Lost:
Beowulf's Sword

He agreed to give my belongings back to my king if anything were to happen. Unferth was just a little drunk that night. It happens to the best of the Danes I guess.

My plan:
1)Walk in.
2)Blow it up.
3)Walk out.
4)Mead hall and listen to songs about how great I am.
5)See you in a few.

Angelina

Yeah, I wish.

Who would have thought Grendel's mother would have been upset over the whole yeah-I-ripped-your-kid's-arm-out-of-its-socket-and-he-bled-to-death-alone-in-the-swamp thing. I mean at the very least I was not worried.

I was too busy getting awesome treasure and gift horses for getting rid of Grendel and hardly paying attention to some boring Norse clan-politics to worry about such things.

Grendel's mother, let us call her Angelina, is freaking out and she kidnaps Hrothgar's good friend and advisor, Aeschere. Of course she picks a night that I am NOT kicking it at the mead hall...

At this point Hrothgar is all bummed out and he tells me I can have all this extra treasure he has lying around if I can just go get him back and whatnot. He starts on about some horrible lake yadda yadda, but I'm just thinking

I AM A WOLF OF BEES WHO IS AS STRONG AS SIXTY DUDES.

Being me is awesome.

The day after.

AWW YEAH.

Now that is what I call a party my friends. This place is trashed (AND SO WAS I WHEN I WHIPPED GRENDEL'S SORRY ASS. WHAT?!). I will bet that shut Unferth up. Not that I cared or anything.

Hrothgar came up to the hall the day after all hung-over and was like-

"You took care of Grendel?! SHWEET."

And then I was all,

"Yeah man, you should have been there it was epic."

Hrothgar was not even that mad that his mead hall was pretty much destroyed.

We pretty much just had more parties and sang songs about how great I was.

Man I love these Danes.

Posted via Ye Olde iPhone

A Crazy Night at Heorot pt. 2

We all decided to try and start sleeping off the epic party Hrothgar threw for me and my bros. While I was ready to start sleeping like the baby I never was it came to my attention that my new Danish buddies were wetting themselves because, oh yeah, this Grendel creeper has been terrorizing this place in the night hours.

Right as I am about to grab some shut eye, Grendel busts up through the door (has he heard of knocking? rude...) and eats one of my bros (AWW HECK NAW).

Exactly like this, only, without any weapons.

Grendel walks up to me like he thinks I am some kind of pansy Dane and decides he wants to fight me but there is just one thing he forgot: I AM A WOLF OF BEES WHO IS AS STRONG AS SIXTY DUDES AND NOW I AM REALLY MAD.

Wrasslin' ensues until I straight up tear his arm off (WITH MY BEE-WOLF HANDS). He freaks out and decides to run off and die alone in the swamp and I decided to give those Danes Grendel's severed arm as a gift. Danes love severed arms.

A Crazy Night at Heorot pt. 1

Hello All.

Today we met this cat, Wulfgar (do not ask me what he is the wolf of).

He was all,

"What are 15 strapping young men like yourselves doing around these parts with those big muscley arms?"

And I was all,

"Check out my muscles. I AM A WOLF OF BEES."

And he was all,

"Oh snap, I better go tell Hrothgar about this,"

and Hrothgar was all,

"You mean Ecgtheow's boy?! I heard that he was as strong as sixty dudes!"

and then I get to meet my old man's old friend, Hrothgar king of some Danes, and he's got me spinning all kinds of crazy yarns to the point where I'm all,

"Hecks yeah I will defeat Grendel without any weapons. I AM A WOLF OF BEES WHO IS AS STRONG AS SIXTY DUDES."

Hrothgar is all giddy at this point and starts telling me about how he and my dad go way back and I am just like, "cool story bro," only politely.

So we start feasting right, and this drunken Dane Unferth decides he has beef with me because I was too busy dominating some epic sea creatures in the midst of a week-long swimming outing in icy water whilst racing some bros (or as I like to call it, THURSDAYS). As it would happen I got so caught up in this dominating epic sea creatures business and did not quite win the race.

My diagnosis? Unferth is just jealous so I call him out in front of his bros and then we all drink it off.

Drinking and boasting ensue.

On my way to Daneland - Destination Heorot

(Ladies?) *2

So... yeah. I figured I would try this new blogging thing that's all the buzz lately. I suppose for those of you reading this there are a few things you should know about me.

My name is Beowulf - means bear "bee-wolf,*1" (get it? 'cause of how bears like honey... bees make honey, I AM A WOLF OF BEES).

Anywho, my Uncle is the king of Geatland (Hygelac, ever heard of him?) and I'm a pretty big deal too if you do not mind my boasting - I am only the greatest hero in the world.

Recently I catch wind of some freak named Grendel terrorizing this hoppin' mead-hall Hrothgar built on account of all the neat stuff he has been up to lately - you know winning battles and taking treasure. After we blow up this monster me and 14 of my buddies are about to blow up Heorot.

It should be a pretty good time by any red-blooded Norse-males standards. I will keep you posted as epic fun-times are sure to ensue.